Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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