Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
