dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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