I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
