Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
