My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
