I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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