If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
