I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
