May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
