ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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