I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need water and some morals
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
