He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
