I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
