I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
