the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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