The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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