you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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