gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
