Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
