I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
