If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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