I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
