One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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