It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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