My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
