I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
