Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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