I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
