i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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