Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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