he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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