Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
