I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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