i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he fucked my hip out of place.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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