dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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