So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
