So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
