I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
