All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
