I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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