My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
