All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
