The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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