Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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