Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
