booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
