That's intense
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
