so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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