I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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